Hey Assholes

[xp_scorpion]

What the fuck happened to my plans for a quiet fucking birthday hanging out with Kurt?

Comments

[x-maverick.livejournal.com]

Horrific infestation of things that call themselves 'friends'.

Many happy returns.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Go to hell, I saw your ass there too.

[x-maverick.livejournal.com]

I hope you enjoyed the view.

[x-plosive.livejournal.com]

She totally admitted that it was an exceptional view.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Fuck that. He's too old to fuck. But don't worry Tabs, I told him you're hot for him.

[x-plosive.livejournal.com]

I appreciate beautiful aesthetics.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Great, I'll let him know you named your vibrator after him then.

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

Ass-thetics? ;-)

[x-plosive.livejournal.com]

You are a terrible person and one day your puns will come back to haunt you.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Fuck off, Ramsey. You were there and there dressed. I'm pissed at you too.

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

OH NOES you have people who like you well enough to come wish you happy birthday. What an absolutely terrible fate to endure.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Which one of you found out the date, anyway? I didn't tell you fuckers.

And you showed up in pants, so double fuck you. Or not. Some birthday party, a bunch of assholes show up when I'm hanging out with my brother so I can't even get laid.

[x-plosive.livejournal.com]

Don't you know Doug is magic? And not just in his pants?

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Why didn't you tell me another one was named Doug? I could set you assholes up.

[x-plosive.livejournal.com]

Are we talking about my fictional personal massager collection again? Because I can name one after you, too.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Awww, Tabs, I'm flattered. If you wanted to fuck, all you had to do was ask.

[x-plosive.livejournal.com]

Hey, Cammie, do you want to fake sleep together? Like my fake porno collection?

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Fuck, you make it sound like a sleep over. Like I should show up in foot PJs with stuffed animals and hair curlers.

[x-plosive.livejournal.com]

I would pay good money to see you in footie pajamas and curlers.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Not happening.

[x-plosive.livejournal.com]

Not even if I go to the adult toy store with you? So cruel. I'm totally fake breaking up with you.

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

_I_ would pay good money for photographic proof of that. :)

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Yeah, still not fucking happening.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I believe that one David North has spilled the beans (I am sure they were castor beans, which can be made into deadly sarin gas) on your date of birth.

(Does this mean I cannot gift to you a box of coffee grounds infused with volcanic ash from Mt. St. Helens? Because while I am aware we dislike each other, I am still convinced gifting you with food is the best way to keep you from licking my tea mugs)

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

Already did that today. Try again, Frenchie.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Then your birthday gift is free tea mugs.

[x-scorpion.livejournal.com]

And they were the fancy one too, oh joy!

[x-maverick.livejournal.com]

Because personnel files are under my purview and are available upon request to those with requisite access.

Come now, Angie. You know better than to frame the administrative staff -- you already have licked mugs; how many more annoyances do you want?

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

Note to self: cancel the male strippers, then.